I got this letter in the mail today and honestly, I think it's so funny that I could post it with no text or any commentary whatsoever. It very nearly speaks for itself. But of course, I won't do that, because it inspired so much potential material for the blog that I couldn't resist. The picture is small so I recommend clicking on it and reading it in a larger format. I cropped out the letterhead and signature of the sender; I'm not sure why, but it seems like what a responsible person would do.
So now I'm assuming you've opened up the image and now know that it's a mailing from a local Jehovah's Witness. I'll get to the actual content of the letter in my next post (too much to cover in just one entry), which is pure comedy and quite ironic for me, as you might imagine (or if not, I'll explain in full tomorrow.)
O.K....I'm not sure where you, my loyal reader (I'm assuming there's at least of one you, and if not, I'll just count myself) grew up, but where I was raised, Jehovah's Witnesses would, almost every Sunday, drive up our hill (it's actually a hill and a treacherous one at that) and knock on our door. I thought that was their M.O...physically reaching out to members of the community in an attempt to spread the word of the lord and provide us salvation. But apparently, much like corporate America, I think this mailing is a clear signal of the the frail state of our economy. Ladies and gentleman, things are so bad and fuel prices so outrageous that even Jehovah inc. is in cost cutting mode and if you think about their business model, their biggest expenses are bible manufacturing and fuel...it must be so expensive for team Jehovah to drive around and accost people face-to-face that management decided to trade in their gas guzzling, god carrying sets of wheels for $0.41 stamps (or is it $0.42..? I'm so out of touch.) It's really a sound business decision and I think I can finally say that I've found at least one benefit of this economic downturn and I hope they keep their god-mobiles in dry dock for good.
As I wrote this post, it brought back memories of my childhood and my family's Sundays with Jehovah. In particular, how my family would deal with Jehovahs that visited our house. Now, several different scenarios were possible when they showed up on our porch and whichever "defensive scheme" we called was really up to my Dad and what kind of mood he was in...the first defensive play in our play book was the Freeze and it involved everyone essentially hiding in different rooms in the house so as to be out of their line of sight...this defensive package was successful for its simplicity; the only hole really was how persistent the visiting team was...it typically required at least 5 minutes of absolute silence. The Jehovahs in my 'hood were a patient bunch. Scheme #2 was called Tribe and it consisted of me answering the door wearing a yarmulke (or tea cozy) and my tallit (see image to the left,) thereby displaying my heebness in all its glory. This was a rare play call, primarily because I hated wearing that get up and it didn't
seem to phase the Witnesses...I liken this play to what they call a purpose pitch in baseball. You throw one at the batter inside and under his chin, close enough to move him back off the plate, while still not making contact. It's also referred to as a brush back. You throw that pitch not to get the batter out, but to send a message...that's what the Tribe was...it didn't get them off our porch or out of lives...but it sent a message. The final play in our defensive arsenal was the "Dad is in a Bad Mood So If you Don't Get off Our Porch I'm Gonna Open the Door and Sic our Dog on You" play. That one worked every time...and was my personal favorite.Tomorrow, I think I'll provide some more thoughts on this mailing, unless something better comes up. That's enough posting for one day...MJB
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