Taking Stock of Things...Part I

I'm not sure how many of you out there have been involuntarily unemployed during your professional lives - I'm guessing the majority of you have not. I come to that conclusion using a simple algorithm that essentially takes into account the fact that I know most of the people that read this blog...and can count only a handful of you that currently are, or at some point were in a similar predicament.

In one of my previous posts (http://downsizeddiary.blogspot.com/2008/06/pauxatauny-phil.html) I provided a typical day in the life of a Man of Leisure, but that post provided very little context...it was a single day's account and is the equivalent of looking at things as if they occurred in a vacuum, which of course, they do not. To get a real feel for things....you need to string a bunch of those days together and then endure the emotional roller coaster ride that you strap yourself into 24/7. I'm not going to use today's post to bitch and moan...because that's just not my style and not very entertaining. What I thought I'd do...and I'm not sure yet where this is going to end up (funny, sad, stupid, who cares?)...is sit down and take stock of things. It should come as little surprise that one's view of their self-worth comes into question during these times and so what I aim to do is make a list, I guess, of my personal pluses and minuses....basically, for you financially inclined...a balance sheet of MJB Inc's assets and liabilities. That sounds fun...right? So, I've asked four friends to make lists...how they view my positive attributes and shortcomings. Now, you'll have to just take my word on this...but I chose a cross section of friends that I thought would provide a continuum of responses. Of course, there is likely to be bias in their answers (I mean, they are friends) but I have a feeling you and, more important, I will get a fairly rounded picture of...me.

These ended up being pretty long and required some background information so I'm going to break this up into a couple of posts. Or not...but definitely going with this one because I think it's funny....

Here is Friend #1 - I provided some footnotes/asterisks for the items requiring explanation. Just an FYI on Friend #1...he's the guy that, while walking down the street, we'd pass an attractive girl and I would often comment..."Is that too much to ask for?" and he would respond..."For a guy like you...Yes."

Friend 1
Pros:

1. Devastatingly Handsome
2. Witty
3. Snappy dresser (was wearing aviators 2 yrs before coming back in style)
4. Generous (killing the stereotype) *1
5. Spendthrift (killing the stereotype) *1
6. Bookends *2
7. "lil' Tuna" *3
8. Would never make a move without Larry and Stan*4
9. Built a fort out of sofa cushions with Jennifer Connelly*5
10. Best damn blogger whose life closely resembles that of George Costanza I know

Footnotes
*1: I'm a Jew...

*2: The "Bookends" refer to a rare stretch of a good fortune with (2) women during a vacation...think of bookends as one at the beginning....one at the end...not together...sorry...

*3 A hideous nickname given to me by a very old, crotchety and frankly, downright rude secretary at a previous job. For some reason...she liked me....and I was her lil' tuna.

*4 A reference to the movie Mr. Mom...essentially, it represents loyalty. Michael Keaton's character (Jack) is offered a promotion, but his two friends (Larry and Stan) have to be fired...Jack says something along the lines of "I won't make a move without Larry and Stan." All three are subsequently fired...

*5 Jennifer Connelly was my babysitter. 'nuff said.

Cons:

1. Failure to identify one's own shortcomings (listed below)
2. Fun sized
   
3. Tall forehead (hair migration from head to palms)
4. Apple fanboy (out of necessity due to excessive malware at most frequently visited sites)*
5. JGG
   
6. Breath smells of Government cheese
7. What's with all the CRVs
8. Has an inappropriately strong passion for the 'The Karate Kid'

These pretty much all (except #1) need a quick comment so:
2. I'm short
3. I'm balding; hair migrating to palms I believe refers to excessive manual stimulation...
4. I own a Mac now...they don't get viruses (see manual stimulation reference above)...I mean...c'mon, how huge is that?
5. Jolly Green Giant (JGG): unsuccessful and unnecessarily heart wrenching relationship (infatuation) with a very tall girl. 5'10, I believe. It did not end well.
6. Unemployed
7. My parents own the same car, different colors...and have had two sets of them.
8. Love the Karate Kid...funniest (unintentionally) movie ever.

I've read this post over a couple of times and: 1) know that I find it funny and fairly representative, 2) know that a select few readers out there will undoubtedly also be entertained, but 3) I'm unsure whether the rest of you will enjoy/hate/or be completely uninterested...so there's some doubt about whether it should go up. So, if you are reading this last paragraph, well, then I guess that means I just said f' it and posted it anyway...